Exploring Boundaries with Horses

Boundary setting is an area of growth that I focus on in my Equine Experiential Learning and Coaching sessions. Boundary setting teaches us about our power and how we define our personal space.

Horses provide perfect opportunities to strengthen boundary-setting skills. It is a natural tendency for most horses to test boundaries. A horse feels secure when she knows where she stands in the pecking order of the herd. She achieves this understanding by testing boundaries and outsmarting other herd members. When a new horse arrives into the herd she establishes herself in the pecking order by her ability to hold her boundaries and stand up to others. When we engage with horses we enter into the herd. Naturally the horse wants to know who will be in charge of the herd of two.

Clients often struggle with setting appropriate boundaries with horses. I have watched horses get into a person's personal space (a one and a half foot space that surrounds the physical body) and then nudge or push the person. The person, unaware of what is really happening, will often unconsciously take a step back. When nudged she sometimes looses her balance and steps to the side. In anger, or frustration. Once she is fully present and congruent in her body and mind, she creates momentum, alignment and a stronger intention. She then takes action to set the boundary. Boundaries of this nature are set with firm, compassionate, body centered communications that exude power, will and respect. The horse responds to the request with cooperation, the message is clear and direct.

The visceral experience of setting a boundary with a 1000 pound horse brings individuals to new levels of personal power. This new strength quickly transfers into everyday life and our interactions with people. Boundary setting becomes easier and less fearful. People begin to hear and respect our requests. We learn how to transfer the power of our intention, while being fully centered in our physical body, to set good boundaries in the area of our heart, home, physical and emotional well-being, and our spirituality.

A few key points about Boundaries:

1. Boundaries are not walls but standards for right behavior and action for you and those around you to honor. Everyone has different requirements for boundaries.

2. You set a boundary when a person or horse comes toward you. A person or a horse sets a boundary when you approach them. Your horse will tell you every time you approach her where her boundary is, you job is to watch and listen for the signs.

3. Where you feel others trespass your boundaries, you are usually trespassing the same boundary with others.

4. Boundaries honor our spirit and sense of self and the correct application of boundary setting will often increase respect and trust in relationships and renew your personal energy.

5. Highly sensitive people and horses can heal and then naturally flourish and grow when their boundaries are defined, acknowledged and respected. See next month's article on how boundary work has help some of the horses in the herd here in Basalt.

6. The emotion of anger is an indicator that a boundary has been crossed. When you feel shame you have crossed someone else's.

Working with Horses is a powerful and effective way to explore the integrity of your boundaries and your skill at setting them with skill, respect and ease. Work with a trained Equine Facilitated Learning specialist with Coach Training skills to take your learning and apply it to your everyday life!

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